I am not sure which is more disappointing: the 4 Customer Satisfaction vs. 2 Dissatisfaction at work, the sleepless dayoff and Dianne and Butch's unexpected visit and my lack of enthusiasm, the Sinulog punishment in the form of being squished unnecessarily between the sweaty crowd of mardigras watchers, missing the fireworks display despite arriving early, not being allowed to go to my favourite bookstore as these people dragged me away to where they wanted to go just because they think I should not be alone (and my dormmates, including Paupau, think it is illegal), or their taunting about being the only one in the group of 7 who did not have a partner and who had to stick up to these girls and their male counterparts' urging to get myself a man already.
Maybe I should have been at least excited for the festival, but I was anyway upset about how everything turned out last night, about how people find me as a charity case instead of an independent individual who would not have minded being single until they rubbed that sore spot where it hurt the most. I dunno. I did not think I could ever be embarrassed like that after Paupau volunteered to play the matchmaker. It was...sad and humiliating, and it made me feel stupid and hopeless and infinitely ugly and almost desperate. It was unfair. So what if I choose to be alone? It did not matter too much before.
Maybe I should have been at least excited for the festival, but I was anyway upset about how everything turned out last night, about how people find me as a charity case instead of an independent individual who would not have minded being single until they rubbed that sore spot where it hurt the most. I dunno. I did not think I could ever be embarrassed like that after Paupau volunteered to play the matchmaker. It was...sad and humiliating, and it made me feel stupid and hopeless and infinitely ugly and almost desperate. It was unfair. So what if I choose to be alone? It did not matter too much before.
